As I woke today and the sun was shining and the birds were chirping, I began to think about how lucky we all are to rise and wake, yet I also understand that far too many wake and do not feel this or see this. People that are living life, that have had the right breaks, and the right opportunities, do not always understand the struggles others go through in life and how it affects them at a core level.
I think that it is a natural thing for people to judge, we are always talking about the important of that first impression, yet, judgement past is opportunity lost. Meaning that when we make quick judgments about the cover of the book, we often miss out on the greatest stories. I know that I am guilty of this, and I am always striving to stop and learn, to challenge myself take a minute and listen, and as I have done this I have heard some of the most amazing stories and friended some incredible people that yesterday I may have past on by.
In my last blog I was writing about how? How do we overcome the obstacles that just seem to dark, too deep, and too, much for us to handle. Then I started thinking about people, from the most successful to the ones struggling just to survive till tomorrow. People that are doing ok often do not understand the struggle of others, what they have been through, we just make a judgement and move on.
The stories I have heard over the years of what many of our children have been through would surprise you, and would help you understand why many people grow up and make the choices they do. When you are born into a life where those that are suppose to love and care for you don’t, maybe because they themselves are hurt and damaged, maybe because they have mental issues…whatever the reason it doesn’t matter to that child that looks to them for love and protection.
This child slowly grows up in a home that is not supportive, is not caring or loving, and is often abusive physically, emotionally, and sexually. This is your life, your are told you are worthless, you don’t receive hugs and love, you may not get the right nutrition, home is chaos….this is the first 18 years of you life or more….
You go to school during these years where all of this is happening at home, school is your safe place, but it is not enough. Your body is always on guard, always ready for the next perceived attack, and then you are asked to listen, learn and perform in all your classes. When you don’t, the idea in your mind is reinforced that you are less than. This is what you learn in Elementary school and middle school. You look for some place to fit in and that place is with others like you, others that school, home and maybe even society has deemed as less than. You bond with them, they understand you, have your back…but they like you are in survival mode. That means that when danger is perceived in the slightest, that innate animal in us rises…we Fight…we run…or we freeze. That danger could be a word, a look, a touch, a smell, or anything that that person senses, they react and often with violence, anger, and rage. Those watching either run into to video and/or cheer on, or watch in disbelief…I hear people often say what is wrong with them? Don’t they understand the consequences? It wasn’t even anything big, it was just a word or a bump…what is wrong with them….
Well, when you have lived your live in survival mode and have not been taught much else, that is what we do! Race, religion, or gender have no barring on this, all of us will react if this is our reality. So when people make rash judgements about other people, it bothers me, because we do not know their opening chapters, their main body of work, all we know is the cover.
So the next time you see some one doing wrong, behaving poorly, or just acting out of the norm…STOP…Ask yourself….what is wrong…. If you are a teacher, a Principal, or work with kids and they are acting up, sleeping in class, performing poorly…take a minute sit down with them and open the book!